My jaw was dislocated and my back felt like it had been run over by a steam roller.
“Stop panicking! You need to stop panicking!” yelled the EMT.
“How am I supposed to NOT panic, lady?!” My mind was racing 100mph along with my heart rate.
“Where am I? Why am in this stretcher? Am I DYING? Why can’t I close my jaw? What’s happening??!!”
I woke up in a hospital room (had no idea how long it had been) with my friend and his fiance just kind of staring at me. Ah yes, I was used to this. Waking up in a hospital room not knowing why or how I ended up there was usual for my alcoholic lifestyle. But this time I was much more frantic to say the least because I didn’t have my pills...oh yeah my pills!
It all started to come back. I remember I was in the back of my friend’s pick up truck on our way to my doctor to get my prescription for klonopin. I had been going through cold turkey benzo withdrawals on a friend’s mattress on the floor for the past 2 days, white knuckling it (freaking the FUCK out quite frankly). I remember my back muscles started to clench up so incredibly tight that it became hard to sit up straight or walk. When my friend picked me up he told me to get in the back cause he said I smelled like shit. (I was used to that too). As I was sliding around in the bed of the truck, the pain in my back became almost unbearable and I was literally screaming in pain.
As we were waiting to be seen by my Dr. I couldn’t hide or contain my panic. I was usually pretty good at keeping it together and making small talk with the nurses, basically just trying not to come off as a drug seeking pill junkie. But this time I couldn’t. I was already in full blown withdrawal and the walls were closing in. “They’re not going to give me my pills. Everybody’s looking at me. I look like a fucking crack head. They’re not going to give me my pills. “My heart rate went up and up and up and that’s when it happened. I had a seizure right there on the floor of the Dr’s office. The convulsions were so violent that it dislocated my jaw and broke my back in two different places. I would later find out at the ER that if the fractures had been a few inches closer to my spine I would have been paralyzed...